My boyfriend's best friend is moving to China in a month and a half, and my boyfriend is thinking of going with him. I told him if he stays there for more than a month, I'm going to leave him. Is this
unreasonable? I've only been with my boyfriend for a little more than a year, and we don't live together, so I'm not quick to trust him to go on trips without me. I can't go to China with him because I'm still in college. Not to mention that my boyfriend is a pizza delivery man and lives with his parents, Updates: +1 y I'd say that two or three weeks is reasonable, I get that he wants to be with
his best friend. But, if he stays for an extended amount of time, that pretty much says he is good without me. The OP must decide whether she wants a boyfriend that will live with her and go places with her, or she wants her boyfriend and believes all of his other qualities are worth waiting for. She doesn't know if he will really live with his parents for four years or not. But I will say NOT being able to go on trips with your boyfriend gives you more inspiration to cultivate your female friendships or go solo for now - and when you do get married to this guy or someone else - you will not have the feeling that you missed out on girlfriend time, "finding yourself", travel, etc, before marriage or kids. You will be a much more whole person than if you rotated around your bf. My bf and I decided that vacationing together was a privelege of marriage and it doesn't matter what my friends do with their bfs.
"Living together" creates the assumption that two people are living similar to husband and wife. "living together" is not something addressed in scripture, but the other stuff about living as husband and wife and not being married, sharing a marital bed, etc, most definitely is, so "living together" is by extension. Sure, two people could live together, and only they would know they are not having sex. But do you really think that will happen (no sex?") I know that most Judeo-Christian traditions and assume Islam would imply the same. I disagree that two people must live together. I lived with my first ex before marriage and vowed to never ever do it again. My boyfriend and I will not live together before marriage. We have weekends where we spend the entire time together, except we return to our own beds in our own places at night. He has a brother who lives five blocks from his place and if he doesn't feel comfortable with me driving home late, he will crash there for a night. We fully know what eachother's main habits are and have talked at length about others. We want no "trial period" Anyway, I am not going to turn this into a debate over all this - I do feel that in the OP's case, her boyfriend is sticking to not living together and not having vacations together before marriage. She has a choice to honor that or to break it off due to incompatibility. He is not going to budge on it. She can chalk it up to his parents or she can admit that her boyfriend agrees with it and is afraid to tell her so. It is easier to put the onus on the parents. She can either decide if its a dealbreaker or not. Previous Letter Thursday | June 4, 2015 06.04.2015 Next LetterHi Meredith, I am desperate for your advice – and some reader comments. My boyfriend planned a five-day vacation to another city with some guys from his work without even discussing it with me or asking me how I would feel about it. The trip is in October, and his flight is already booked. Meredith, this is not a new relationship. We have been together for over two years. We live together. We have a dog together. We got in a huge fight because I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a man who clearly doesn't even consider me when planning something major. Then he said I was ruining everything because he bought me a ring and was going to propose. I thought he was just manipulating me — but I found the ring. Now what? I thought it was clear cut — the guy doesn't love me enough to even have a conversation with me about something major, so I'm out. But clearly he loves me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me. What should I do? Communication is our biggest problem (his side - not mine) — and I don't know if that is something that can be fixed. I’m stuck. – stuck, south shore Communication is your biggest problem, for sure, but the blame falls to both of you. Instead of asking him why he didn't tell you about his plans, you jumped to the worst conclusion – that he doesn't love you. Clearly there are bigger problems here. It's time to put the ring aside and to have a discussion about expectations. Some couples require permission for big, independent trips. Others do their own thing and assume that their partners are making separate plans. The point is that you have to figure out the rules together. Same goes for the marriage proposal. Have you talked about how that kind of commitment would change the relationship? If the discussion falls flat, go to a couples therapist for help — or accept that this can't be fixed. Without communication, you're doomed. Readers? Is the trip a big deal? Can the communications problems be fixed? – Meredith  CAN’T HELP MYSELF is Meredith’s memoir about giving advice, learning from readers, working with an ex, and moms and daughters. It’s also a story about how an online community can become another kind of family. Check it out » Is it healthy to go on vacation without your spouse?Experts say vacationing sans spouse can actually have a positive effect on a relationship. "It's a way to have some time apart, to separate without having to separate," says psychologist and family therapist Leslie Seppinni. "Maybe things are tense, or you need a break, you just need to get away and take some time out.
Is it OK to travel alone when in a relationship?“Traveling solo can be an excellent practice in a relationship,” Baxo tells Flash Pack. “It allows for both people to build their sense of self and feel more confident as a whole and complete, individual person. This is also an opportunity to experience the joy in missing someone.
Is it OK to go on holiday without your partner?There's no reason not to travel alone if that interests you. Some people really love to be by themselves and have a partner that understands that preference. Solo traveling can be a great way to get some perspective on other places and cultures. You can get yourself out of the normal routine of life for a little while.
How do you deal with a traveling partner?How to make it work when your partner is always travelling. Talk it out beforehand.. Don't romanticize your partner's life.. Be OK with changing routines.. Make time to talk every single day.. Consider the unexpected benefits.. |
Boyfriend going on trip without me
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